thank you

no one saw me when i was sad
no one saw me when i cried
no one saw me when i was feeling alone
no one saw me when my world was crumbling apart...

except you. only you.

you're the one who saw through me
you saw the loneliness in my eyes
you saw the pain in my heart
you saw what other people failed to see...

so, thank you!
for your comforting hands
for respecting my silence
for always being there...

when they start to drift away...

When a person or someone you love start to drift away, the first thing we ask ourselves is, what happened?  We try to question ourselves if we ever did something wrong.  We try to recall or look back to the things that we did in the past resulting to these changes.  Immediately, you will see your shortcomings and will start to think that maybe, it was really your fault.  You will feel sorry for yourself, for what happened and then blame no one else but yourself.  And because we don't want to lose that person, you will try your best to make up for everything.  You will try to please that person as much as you can hoping that one day, he or she will realize what you're doing.  That you just want to bring back how things were before.  You will swallow all your pride even at times you already feel that you were being disrespected, ignored and disregarded.  You wouldn't care because in your heart and in your mind, you know exactly why you are doing this.  And then lastly, you apologize.  You apologize for the things you have done or might had done.  You apologize without enumerating all your mistakes and without even trying to defend yourself.  You apologize simply because maybe, you have hurt that person so much in so many ways.

But what hurts the most is even if you did all those things and still, nothing has changed.  That person remained cold to you and never fails on letting you know that they don't care anymore whether you're there or not.  That they'd rather be with anyone else than being with you.  That spending time with you in rare cases were just an option.  That in so many instances that you tried to start a conversation, they will just give you an obligatory response so as not to further the conversation.  You will try to send personal messages in facebook but then they will just ignore it.  Or you heard so many things about them but they chose not to tell you.  It's like a slap on your face telling you how unimportant you are to them.

Of course, you were not made of stone.  It is painful knowing how much you want to save whatever that's left of your friendship/relationship but the other person couldn't care less.  It is tiring but you still want to give it a try.  But when it's too much to bear already and too painful to continue, maybe that's the right time for you to give up.  Not with loving or caring to that person but give up with all the efforts you are doing.  Because no matter what you do, things will never be the same again.  That person made it very clear to you through his or her actions.  Take a deep breath.  Don't hate yourself.  It's not about you anymore.  Don't fret.  Knowing that you've done what you thought you should have done and they still chose not to acknowledge it, that means they already made a decision of not making you an important part of their lives anymore.  You cannot do anything about that.  Let them be.  Sometimes, you just have to give yourself a little bit of self-respect.  Rest.  Space.  Breathe.  You need that.  You deserve a break from being repeatedly rejected.  Don't take it personally.  You can't blame them if they have decided to drift away.  It is their choice.  So it will also be their choice if they want to make you a part of their lives again.

Don't change.  Be the same person you are to them.  Be there when they need you even if you are the last resort.  Do these things without expecting that everything will go back to how it used to be.  When they start to drift away, move on.  Don't get stuck in the same place where they left you.  Be a better version of yourself.  One day, your paths will cross again and maybe this time, after all the different experiences you've encountered apart, you will close the gap and could start over.

mi amore

amor. love. pag-ibig.  a very appropriate name for this person.  she has a very big heart and love that overflows for everyone. i for one, is very fortunate to be a receiver of that love.

ate memey and i practically grew up together. we're family actually.  we got to spend a lot of times together when we were kids.  she's very attached to her family.  i knew her to be closed to her father.  and i knew how much it hurt her when they lost him in a very painful way. at the age of seven, she had to take all the pain and be strong.  kaya nga when i also lost my father and felt like dwelling in sadness again, i kept on reminding myself that i have to be strong to face it.  she's the one i always think of everytime i feel i am being defeated by depression and pain.  it is just right to say that she is my epitome of strength and courage.  she had been to many battles of life and withstand them all. 

she's a very loyal friend.  she's someone who will be in the front line when someone tried to hurt or harm you.  she will protect you in any way she can.  she's someone who will never hesitate to sacrifice her own welfare just to show her support for you.  some people may not understand her but that's how she is.  she will love you without any reservation.

sis, thank you so much! thank you for being a part of my life. i always pray for your happiness because you deserve it.  thank you for the unconditional love you have given me.  i know that no matter how many times i fall, you will always be there to catch me.  that you will walk with me when i'm afraid to move forward.  that you will be there to cheer for me in my triumphs and be there especially when i fail to give me comfort.  

basta sis, you will always be my bestfriend and my sister. ikaw at ikaw lang ang maid of honor pag ikinasal ako!!! (asa pa rin ako :D)

happy birthday, sis! continue to be a channel of God's love and blessings. i love you forever!

p.s.  she's the one responsible for the dreaming chef title :D

the captain

i keep on saying this but i am truly blessed for having you in my life.  you have witnessed my ups and downs, and in all those moments, you were there for me.  you already knew what's happening to me even before i realized it myself.  you're always ready to lend a hand and a shoulder to lean on even before i asked.  everytime i text you, "san ka?", you already knew that something's wrong...

also, thank you for believing in me.  you just don't how my heart swelled when you encouraged me to audition in pinoy masterchef.  though i didn't try it, it's enough that someone as good as you has faith in me.  thank you too for being so patient and sometimes "not so" patient everytime i become pasaway he-he... :p

i am so lucky that you are not just my friend but a sister as well.  i started to see the world with you and i know that we will see the rest of the world together with our other sisters =)  

you've been a great sister, friend, daughter, leader, colleague, lahat-lahat na! =) kaya nga for me, you will always be the alpha and the captain and no one can ever take that away from you.  i just hope and pray that someday, sooner than soon, you will also be the captain of someone's heart ;-)

again, happy birthday Sis Yen!  i love you to the moon and back and more! 

 

elf yourself

sending good vibes to everyone. 
here's a cute video of me and my friends using elf yourself application =)

advanced happy holidays to everyone!

=)