6.21.2016

when they start to drift away...

When a person or someone you love start to drift away, the first thing we ask ourselves is, what happened?  We try to question ourselves if we ever did something wrong.  We try to recall or look back to the things that we did in the past resulting to these changes.  Immediately, you will see your shortcomings and will start to think that maybe, it was really your fault.  You will feel sorry for yourself, for what happened and then blame no one else but yourself.  And because we don't want to lose that person, you will try your best to make up for everything.  You will try to please that person as much as you can hoping that one day, he or she will realize what you're doing.  That you just want to bring back how things were before.  You will swallow all your pride even at times you already feel that you were being disrespected, ignored and disregarded.  You wouldn't care because in your heart and in your mind, you know exactly why you are doing this.  And then lastly, you apologize.  You apologize for the things you have done or might had done.  You apologize without enumerating all your mistakes and without even trying to defend yourself.  You apologize simply because maybe, you have hurt that person so much in so many ways.

But what hurts the most is even if you did all those things and still, nothing has changed.  That person remained cold to you and never fails on letting you know that they don't care anymore whether you're there or not.  That they'd rather be with anyone else than being with you.  That spending time with you in rare cases were just an option.  That in so many instances that you tried to start a conversation, they will just give you an obligatory response so as not to further the conversation.  You will try to send personal messages in facebook but then they will just ignore it.  Or you heard so many things about them but they chose not to tell you.  It's like a slap on your face telling you how unimportant you are to them.

Of course, you were not made of stone.  It is painful knowing how much you want to save whatever that's left of your friendship/relationship but the other person couldn't care less.  It is tiring but you still want to give it a try.  But when it's too much to bear already and too painful to continue, maybe that's the right time for you to give up.  Not with loving or caring to that person but give up with all the efforts you are doing.  Because no matter what you do, things will never be the same again.  That person made it very clear to you through his or her actions.  Take a deep breath.  Don't hate yourself.  It's not about you anymore.  Don't fret.  Knowing that you've done what you thought you should have done and they still chose not to acknowledge it, that means they already made a decision of not making you an important part of their lives anymore.  You cannot do anything about that.  Let them be.  Sometimes, you just have to give yourself a little bit of self-respect.  Rest.  Space.  Breathe.  You need that.  You deserve a break from being repeatedly rejected.  Don't take it personally.  You can't blame them if they have decided to drift away.  It is their choice.  So it will also be their choice if they want to make you a part of their lives again.

Don't change.  Be the same person you are to them.  Be there when they need you even if you are the last resort.  Do these things without expecting that everything will go back to how it used to be.  When they start to drift away, move on.  Don't get stuck in the same place where they left you.  Be a better version of yourself.  One day, your paths will cross again and maybe this time, after all the different experiences you've encountered apart, you will close the gap and could start over.